I Love Me More Than My Attachment to My Past
- Heather McAbee, Founder
- Aug 15
- 5 min read
I heard a social media reel recently where one of the lines was:
“I love me more than my attachment to my past.”
This statement is profound and deeply layered, and it really got me thinking about my own life, and about the patterns I’ve witnessed in clients over the years.
We all carry habits, beliefs, and ways of living that were shaped by our past. At one time, they may have served a purpose—often as a form of protection. But over time, what once kept us safe can actually be keeping us small. Loving yourself more than your attachment to your past means recognizing when those patterns no longer serve you and choosing something new.
Maybe you’ve never thought about your life this way before—or maybe you’ve always sensed it. Either way, it’s worth asking: Am I making choices based on who I am today, or who I used to be?
Let’s explore three areas where we can be attached to our past—sometimes without even realizing it. When these attachments are running the show, our lives are being led by old scripts rather than by conscious choice:
Avoidance
Self-Sabotage
Fear of Vulnerability
Patterns of Avoidance
Avoidance can be sneaky. It often disguises itself as productivity, “just being busy,” or sometimes even self-care—but underneath, it’s a way of steering clear of uncomfortable feelings, hard truths, or areas of life that need attention. We may not even recognize it as avoidance because it feels easier, safer, or more familiar than confronting what’s really going on.
When we avoid, we create a buffer between ourselves and the discomfort of change. But the cost is high: the things we avoid don’t disappear—they quietly steer our lives, running in the background, shaping our choices and keeping us from moving forward.
Here are some tangible ways this pattern might show up:
Filling your calendar so full there’s no space to think, feel, or reflect.
Procrastinating on important projects that would actually move your life or business forward.
Using coping mechanisms—like shopping, binge-watching, endless scrolling or substance use—to escape uncomfortable feelings.
Avoiding honest conversations because you fear conflict or rejection.
Avoiding finances—ignoring bills, not budgeting, or leaving money matters for “later.”
Saying “I’ll start Monday” when it comes to health habits—only to keep delaying for months or years.
Staying in a job that crushes your spirit because the uncertainty of change feels too big.
Tolerating toxic friendships out of guilt or shared history.
Avoidance feels like protection in the moment. But in reality, it keeps us stuck in the very patterns we most want to change.
These patterns keep us distracted from the real issues, often so subtly that we don’t notice how much they cost us.
Reflection questions:
When discomfort arises, what’s the first thing I usually do—lean in or look away?
What activities, habits, or distractions do I turn to instead of facing something that feels hard?
What discomfort might be hiding underneath my avoidance?
What am I afraid might happen if I face this head-on?
If I stopped avoiding this issue, what’s the best outcome I could imagine?
What would loving myself more look like here?
Patterns of Self-Sabotage
Self-sabotage happens when our actions (or inactions) directly work against our own best interests.
On the surface, it can look like laziness, disorganization, or bad luck—but at its core, it’s often an unconscious attempt to protect ourselves from change, disappointment, or vulnerability.
Sometimes self-sabotage is rooted in old beliefs about who we are and what we deserve. If, deep down, you don’t believe you’re capable, worthy, or “the kind of person” who has success, love, or freedom, your mind and body will find subtle ways to keep you aligned with that old identity. It’s not because you want to fail—it’s because your system is trying to keep you in familiar territory.
Here are some tangible ways this pattern might show up:
Starting projects with excitement but abandoning them before completion.
Creating unrealistic expectations that set you up for burnout or failure.
Letting fear of judgment keep you from putting yourself or your work out into the world.
Saying “yes” to things you don’t want—draining your energy and time—so you can avoid the discomfort of saying “no.”
Choosing romantic partners who don’t value, cherish, or respect you.
Delaying or disrupting your own progress right before a breakthrough moment.
Constantly learning but rarely implementing what you already know.
Postponing your dreams for “the right time” that never comes.
Self-sabotage isn’t about weakness—it’s about protection. Once you see it for what it is, you can choose actions that align with the future you want, rather than the past you’ve been repeating.
These patterns undermine our own progress, even when we deeply want change.
Reflection questions:
Where in my life do I start strong but rarely follow through?
Where in my life do I keep stopping myself right before the breakthrough?
What beliefs or fears might be fueling my tendency to quit or backtrack?
How do I react when things begin to go well—do I lean in or unconsciously disrupt my momentum?
If I fully believed I was worthy of success, what would I stop doing right now?
Fear of Vulnerability
Vulnerability can feel risky, especially if past experiences taught us that opening up led to judgment, rejection, or pain. Over time, we may learn to protect ourselves by keeping our true feelings, needs, and desires hidden—even from the people we love most. The problem is, those same walls that keep us “safe” also keep us disconnected from real intimacy, opportunity, and joy.
Fear of vulnerability isn’t always obvious. It can hide in habits that seem practical or harmless, but are actually ways of staying in control and avoiding the possibility of being hurt again.
Here are some tangible ways this pattern might show up:
Saying “no” when you actually want to say “yes,” because you fear the uncertainty, exposure or vulnerability that “yes” might bring.
Avoiding deep conversations or emotional honesty in relationships.
Presenting a polished, “perfect” version of yourself so no one sees your insecurities or imperfections.
Downplaying your needs or desires so you don’t risk feeling “too much” for others.
Rejecting help or support, even when you’re struggling, to maintain a sense of independence or perceived strength.
Ending relationships or stepping back from opportunities out of fear that they will end on someone else’s terms.
Fear of vulnerability often feels like protection, but true safety comes from knowing you can handle whatever comes—because you trust yourself, not because you keep your heart locked away.
This patterns keep us from being fully seen, loved, or supported.
Reflection questions:
When was the last time I truly let someone see the real me?
What situations trigger my fear of being judged, rejected, or “too much”?
How have I held back from saying “yes” to something because it felt too exposed or uncertain?
What might become possible if I let myself be more open, even in small ways?
What would it take to feel safe enough to be fully seen in these areas?
The Shift
Awareness is the first step. The moment you catch yourself avoiding, sabotaging, or shrinking from vulnerability, you have a choice—keep replaying the old script, or choose something new.
Try saying to yourself: “I love me more than my attachment to my past.”
Let it be more than a statement. Let it be a line you draw in the sand between who you’ve been and who you’re becoming.
When you speak it, you’re reminding yourself that:
You are more committed to your future than to repeating what’s familiar.
You have the power to change—not by criticizing yourself for the old script, but by honoring the lessons it taught you.
You can choose a new story that reflects your worth, your potential, and the life you truly want to live.
It’s not about erasing your past --
it’s about loving yourself enough to stop letting it lead.
P.S. Sometimes we don’t see ourselves clearly enough to reveal the pattern—we need outside help, or another person’s “database” of insight and experience, to help us connect the dots. If you’re ready to uncover what’s been quietly leading your life and shift it into something new, let’s talk.
Namaste,
Heather
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