Living with Integrity: Embracing Your Superpower

Today, I had a conversation with a client who, like me, holds integrity as a core value. As we spoke, a realization hit me hard and clear:

People like us want to give others the benefit of the doubt. We don’t want to judge based on hearsay. We avoid gossip. We believe in letting people show us who they are, without carrying the residue of someone else’s experience.

But here’s the catch: That high level of trust often gets us hurt. Not everyone shares our integrity. When we project our values onto others, we set ourselves up for disappointment — sometimes even betrayal.

The Heartbreak of Living with Integrity

• You want to assume good intent.

• You want to believe people are doing their best.

• You want to stay open, kind, and curious—not jaded or skeptical.

  
  

That same open-heartedness can leave you vulnerable to manipulation, crossed boundaries, and relationships that simply do not honor the same energetic code you live by.

Understanding the Impact of Integrity on Relationships

The Science Behind This Pattern

1. High Integrity Assumptions: People with high integrity often assume others share their values. This is supported by research on social projection—a psychological phenomenon where we unconsciously believe others think, feel, or act the way we do. While this helps us relate to others, it can be problematic when our values misalign. If honesty is your baseline, you may erroneously assume others operate from that same foundation, even when evidence suggests otherwise.

   
   

2. Ethical Reasons to Avoid Gossip: Avoiding gossip reflects a strong moral identity. This means that your sense of self is closely tied to your values. Studies show that individuals with a strong moral identity are less likely to engage in behaviors that could harm others, such as participating in gossip. In this context, integrity becomes a form of inner alignment.

   
   

3. Value-Based Naïveté: Projecting goodness can lead to “value-based naïveté.” This is not naïveté in a childish sense; it’s value-driven. According to Brené Brown, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” People who value integrity often give too many chances because they see potential in others rather than recognizing patterns. This creates confusion between compassion and self-betrayal.

   
   

4. Sensitivity to Emotional Cues: Highly sensitive or empathic individuals may often override red flags. Neuroscience shows that people who are more attuned to emotional cues may dismiss their instincts to maintain peace or avoid discomfort. The vagus nerve—linked to empathy and connection—makes it physically difficult to hold boundaries if there is a fear of causing harm.

   
   

The White Swan symbolizes purity and transparency

Finding Balance: Learning Discernment

So, what do you do with this knowledge? Do you shut down? Harden? Trust no one? The answer is a resounding no. You learn discernment.

You begin to believe what people show you, not just what you hope for. You start honoring the signals your body gives you—those gut instincts and subtle red flags. Recognize that integrity doesn’t mean staying silent to maintain peace; it means being honest, even when it's uncomfortable.

Perhaps most importantly, you stop making yourself wrong for wanting to see the best in people. There’s nothing broken about you. Your gift—your integrity—isn’t something everyone carries, but that doesn’t mean you should give it up.

Remember Your Superpower

Integrity is your superpower. It just needs boundaries to match.

Gentle Reflection Questions

Take a moment for yourself. Grab a pen and paper and reflect on the following questions:

• Where have I ignored my instincts because I wanted to believe the best in someone?

• What patterns have I seen repeatedly that contradict my hopeful narrative about someone?

• How can I honor my integrity without abandoning my boundaries?

  
  

A Loving Reminder

Living with integrity in a world that often prioritizes performance over character is challenging. But you’re not here to conform to that world—you’re here to change it.

✨ Keep shining. Keep showing up. Keep choosing integrity. Even when it’s hard. Especially then.

Namaste,

Heather